I am the best liar

I sent this to my algebra teacher in hopes of taking a test I skipped out on. Please look at it through his eyes.

Dear Mr. Ollis,
I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't attend class on the 28th. While I was in my geology class my stomach started to cramp and I noticed I was sweating quite a bit. I went to the restroom to wash my face, but when I stood up I got really dizzy. I decided it was in my best interest if I threw up (very bad idea). After I did the deed, I couldn't stop dry-heaving. I'm sorry, but I needed to leave the class and go home. I know that this is probably something you've heard before, I mean, really? On the test day? I was so disappointed. I made it home safely enough and tried to take some medicine, but to no avail. I ended up just going to sleep and missing work. I usually have a strong immune system so I should be ok within 5 days (hopefully). I feel awful that I missed the test, and I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want me to take it again. I mean, heck I could of just gotten over it and felt bad. Having said all that, please please pleeeease let me take the test. Any time will do. I will try to make it to any time you can spare. If you decide to contact me please send me an e-mail at tentay2@aol.com. I don't know how to check the school e-mail system.

For your consideration,
Taylor Pond

This is Taylor. I am the coolest mo-fo out there. (Rapping) My name is peaches and I'm the best. All the DJ's want to feel my breasts.

I like big butts and I can not lie. You otha brothas can't deny. And when a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung.

We were at the beach......ROCK LOBSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!