If I were a bad guy I think I would be something like The Riddler from Bat-man, you know, Jim Carrey. Out for himself, insane, fun loving, all qualities I could posses, but with a scary outfit, scary ha ha not scary oh no.
After I rule the world, I will start to change things that aren't, necessarily, important. The Olympics will be changed to the bro'Lympics. In the bro'Lympics your only goal is to out-douche the other competitors. Their is no prize for winning, or even losing, everyone is tossed into the ceremonial volcano we light at the beginning of every bro'Lympics in the end. Oh, your country doesn't want to send a competitor, well I just nuked your capital. So their!
You know how when your dog goes through surgery they have to wear those stupid collars that stop them from getting to their wounds?
Apparently those are called Elizabethan Collars. I think that people should wear them too. Not just for the humor of it (but mostly for the humor), but so that people can't do many things after their surgery out of sheer embarrassment for the giant frisbee on their face.
I could also start to slowly shrink the entire population of the world. Not by killing people and making it drop, but by literally shrinking people to be about five feet. By doing this, I would stop most of the problems that people of my time are faced with. We could lower ceilings, and by doing so we could remove some of the space that people use, meaning more space for others to build new lives. Basketball would be ridiculously more fair if everyone was the same height, of course we would lower the rim, no, no we won't, it will be funnier to see them try to dunk, and miss by a good two feet.
I don't want sad people in my world either, so I'm thinkin' the amount of happiness you have, based on your release of serotonin for the day, would determine your pay. Did I mention that you don't get paid for working now? If you work, you get a check from my government with varying amounts of currency attached to it. Unfortunately, this method means the happy stay wealthy and the sad stay poor. So I figure, every week we return all the money back to my government and start all over.
After I've had my fun with my world, I think I will retire and start my new business. I will make a web site where I poorly photoshop celebrities. Like so...
I don't believe we are born to be killers, we walk through the rivers with the hands of our lovers-Forever Taylor
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