+
=
If you don't get this joke, I understand. MOO COW!!!!
and if that wasn't good enough I googled something...
Put that in your pipe and SUCK IT
- T-lor P-n-d
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Best competition ever?
If you don't get this joke, I understand. MOO COW!!!!
and if that wasn't good enough I googled something...
Put that in your pipe and SUCK IT
- T-lor P-n-d
Monday, July 27, 2009
Beardo the weirdo
I like being the only guy at work, it has its good and bad points. Its cool in the sense that I get to work with a large number of attractive females, but bad in the sense that they make me do all the heavy work. So far, I would say I have befriended most of the people I work with, and have been given many compliments about how nice I am, but I really start to talk to the people when I'm not doing my real job. I keep getting called for back up, which is when their is more than one person waiting for a register, so I go up to make the lines move faster so the customers will be as happy as I can possibly make them, and then I talk with all the people that walk up to check out, work near me, or I make funny faces at the people at customer service, and they seem to like it.
Every time a customer needs help lifting something ridiculously heavy they call me, every time their is something too high to reach without a ladder they call me, they even make me get carts, and that sucks. Its is too hot outside and I was in the middle of helping someone find their retarded ass salt and pepper shakers dammit. One good thing is that I get to help a lot more than someone who has only one section to stay in, while I get to walk all over the store and see the same people a few times and really make a connection.
I got to help someone find something that they were looking for, when I didn't even know where they were. He asked me, "Do you know where you keep the bed sliders?" In my confusion I said, "heck no, but I have an idea." So while I was on my way to take him to the section where I can do an inventory check, and there they were, right in front of the computer. So I said, "TA-DA!" and he was sincerely thankful. I was so proud of myself.
There is a guy I work with named Chris, and he has a giant beard, so I have started to call him Beardo the Weirdo. He is apparently in love with this cute girl I work with, who is about half his age, even though he has never spoken a word to her. I believe the nick name works better now that I know all that.
At about 9 o'clock I went to go eat with my sisters at chili's. It was a normal dinner, but on the way back we stopped at Kroger, where I saw Alec. I went over to talk to him for a while before my sisters came and grabbed me. As soon as I got into the truck they said, "Why is he so small? And he needs a haircut bad." God, I love them.
In response to Kyle's "challenge" to have a "media off," here are my submissions.
then Tom and Jerry tripped me and I was eaten by an alligator
-Dr. Pond, with a PHD in kicking your ass.
Every time a customer needs help lifting something ridiculously heavy they call me, every time their is something too high to reach without a ladder they call me, they even make me get carts, and that sucks. Its is too hot outside and I was in the middle of helping someone find their retarded ass salt and pepper shakers dammit. One good thing is that I get to help a lot more than someone who has only one section to stay in, while I get to walk all over the store and see the same people a few times and really make a connection.
I got to help someone find something that they were looking for, when I didn't even know where they were. He asked me, "Do you know where you keep the bed sliders?" In my confusion I said, "heck no, but I have an idea." So while I was on my way to take him to the section where I can do an inventory check, and there they were, right in front of the computer. So I said, "TA-DA!" and he was sincerely thankful. I was so proud of myself.
There is a guy I work with named Chris, and he has a giant beard, so I have started to call him Beardo the Weirdo. He is apparently in love with this cute girl I work with, who is about half his age, even though he has never spoken a word to her. I believe the nick name works better now that I know all that.
At about 9 o'clock I went to go eat with my sisters at chili's. It was a normal dinner, but on the way back we stopped at Kroger, where I saw Alec. I went over to talk to him for a while before my sisters came and grabbed me. As soon as I got into the truck they said, "Why is he so small? And he needs a haircut bad." God, I love them.
In response to Kyle's "challenge" to have a "media off," here are my submissions.
then Tom and Jerry tripped me and I was eaten by an alligator
-Dr. Pond, with a PHD in kicking your ass.
Friday, July 24, 2009
STOP DOING THAT!!
No, the top of the list will be mine, and no Garcia, Czarnecki, Witmer, Hicks, or even Brewer will stop my quest for top honor.
Work is getting annoying, I'm not working enough. Damnit, I work with nice people, and I want to go see them more than 3 times a week. Or at least put me on a register so I can be with the people who like to chat about anything.
Oh, I learned my co-workers Scott, Lee, and Jose (a veteran) all watch anime and G4 and basically anything cool, I talked to them for a good two hours today and learned so much about them.
I know that probably made Kyle mad, cuz of the whole, he ain't got no job and what not, problem. Fear not though Kyle, for I know of a good job. As I have told the others, hotels need people to work the night shift, so I figure you could go to school during the day, then sleep, then work at the front desk at a hotel, the whole time you're working you could do homework or whatever.
(here's something funny Kyle hasn't seen)
I am serious about this whole top of the update list thing. I know most of you are blogging out of spite just to see me weep, but I will never break, I am a warrior!
For all of you who don't know, I want to get a gym membership. I don't want to be super buff just really tone. I am basing what I want to look like off of Yun from Street Fighter, and if you don't like it you can kiss my lips.
If you want to be happy, be
-Taylor Charles
Work is getting annoying, I'm not working enough. Damnit, I work with nice people, and I want to go see them more than 3 times a week. Or at least put me on a register so I can be with the people who like to chat about anything.
Oh, I learned my co-workers Scott, Lee, and Jose (a veteran) all watch anime and G4 and basically anything cool, I talked to them for a good two hours today and learned so much about them.
I know that probably made Kyle mad, cuz of the whole, he ain't got no job and what not, problem. Fear not though Kyle, for I know of a good job. As I have told the others, hotels need people to work the night shift, so I figure you could go to school during the day, then sleep, then work at the front desk at a hotel, the whole time you're working you could do homework or whatever.
(here's something funny Kyle hasn't seen)
I am serious about this whole top of the update list thing. I know most of you are blogging out of spite just to see me weep, but I will never break, I am a warrior!
For all of you who don't know, I want to get a gym membership. I don't want to be super buff just really tone. I am basing what I want to look like off of Yun from Street Fighter, and if you don't like it you can kiss my lips.
If you want to be happy, be
-Taylor Charles
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Stop doing that
Ok, now the fight is on. I am blogging right now in order to be on top of the update list, and I swear if you guys blog just to get above me on the list I will ignore you like I do myspace. I am serious!
Why is everything changing? I hate it, and I'm sure someone else does too. I wish we were still in school, in a place where we could be together, happy. Everyone is moving away from my reach both physically and emotionally. I want the old days back, the days where we could make plans in a few seconds and everyone would rather drop what their doing to do it. Its like nobody cares about everyone they leave, especially me. I love everyone, and I need constant love from close friends or I will go insane. Please let that threaten you enough to stay with me.
I have to take defensive driving soon. I waited till the last minute and now I don't know if I can get it done in time. I would request off work but the process takes 2 weeks to buffer it's way through our systems. I might as well do the online class.
Why is everything changing? I hate it, and I'm sure someone else does too. I wish we were still in school, in a place where we could be together, happy. Everyone is moving away from my reach both physically and emotionally. I want the old days back, the days where we could make plans in a few seconds and everyone would rather drop what their doing to do it. Its like nobody cares about everyone they leave, especially me. I love everyone, and I need constant love from close friends or I will go insane. Please let that threaten you enough to stay with me.
I have to take defensive driving soon. I waited till the last minute and now I don't know if I can get it done in time. I would request off work but the process takes 2 weeks to buffer it's way through our systems. I might as well do the online class.
Not too long ago, I was at the grocery store buying food and shit. I ended up in the aisle with the soda and bottled water and stuff, and I notice this short-ass woman trying her best to reach the off-brand Diet Dr. Cola bullshit they have on the top shelf (it was on sale, I guess). This lady was struggling pretty hard, even started climbing on the shelves and shit when I just reached up and grabbed it, passed it to her and gave her a wink. She thanked me, and I proceeded to say "No problem, God blessed ME with height!"
What I said was unintentionally fucked up. "I'm tall, you aren't. I can reach products that you can't - I guess God fucked you on that one, huh?" I mean, it was supposed to be an innocent joke...you know how sometimes you start saying something that you slowly start to regret as you progress through the sentence, and about halfway through it gets a little too late to stop, so you have to finish what you were saying and sound like a complete jackass? Man, I'm far too familiar with the flavor of my foot. Or for you UK guys, the flavour of my foout.
Actually, I think it was the very same day that I was in the cereal aisle, comparing different boxes of breakfast cereals and trying to decide what to pick up. Some other, older lady was standing there when I settled on Raisin Bran - I guess I felt like making someone laugh, so I held up the box like a Raisin Bran spokesperson and said "MMMM! 2 scoops of raisins in every box!" then smacked my lips.
That was kinda awkward. She just kinda looked at me with squinty, dagger eyes and said some shit like "uh huh", then grabbed some flavorless oat cluster shit for old fucks and just walked away. It's like, hey lady - I just went out of my way to drop 2 scoops of humor into your life, the least you could do is maybe crack a smile or...ANYTHING. Don't wuss out on me and walk away like I'm some piece of shit who isn't worth your precious time.
I should stop trying to help and start being the awkward guy who watches people and doesn't move, that would be fun.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
NO! I want to be on top!
Everyone having a nice day? Ya That's right, you better be.
So I've been working on my cloning machine, and today I thought I made a lot of progress, but unfortunately today was a day for set backs.
As I was trying to distribute the gamma rays equally throughout the chamber, a horrible explosion enveloped my beautiful machine sending shattered metal and unknown amounts of radiation throughout my house. I was knocked unconscious, and awoke around 11 with fear for my life's work. My eyes slowly opened and there, standing over me was a perfect copy of me. My mind instantly thought the worst and I knew I was dead. The person standing before me started to move his lips but no words came out. His stomach was growling up a storm so I decided to feed him.
Right now he is still eating, but he is almost done. I am typing the down these actions as a form of proof. As far as I can tell he hates clothes, every time I look over at him he has taken something off. I think I will name him Tyler Water, just because I can. Oh god, he found a gun! "where did you get that gun?" (forces me away from the computer)
¡Ayúdeme! él no va a dejar de decir la misma broma de un centenar de veces
(big climactic fight for gun)
(gun shot)
OK. He's gone. Weird how he types in Spanish. I'm not gonna look up what it says I'll leave that to you guys. Now I gotta figure out what to do with a dead...me. Maybe I could sell it to people who cant reach stuff, so they can use him like some kinda extendo-arm. So if anyone wants to buy him, feel free to give me a ring :)
Your drill is a drill that will pierce the heavens!
-Taylor
So I've been working on my cloning machine, and today I thought I made a lot of progress, but unfortunately today was a day for set backs.
As I was trying to distribute the gamma rays equally throughout the chamber, a horrible explosion enveloped my beautiful machine sending shattered metal and unknown amounts of radiation throughout my house. I was knocked unconscious, and awoke around 11 with fear for my life's work. My eyes slowly opened and there, standing over me was a perfect copy of me. My mind instantly thought the worst and I knew I was dead. The person standing before me started to move his lips but no words came out. His stomach was growling up a storm so I decided to feed him.
Right now he is still eating, but he is almost done. I am typing the down these actions as a form of proof. As far as I can tell he hates clothes, every time I look over at him he has taken something off. I think I will name him Tyler Water, just because I can. Oh god, he found a gun! "where did you get that gun?" (forces me away from the computer)
¡Ayúdeme! él no va a dejar de decir la misma broma de un centenar de veces
(big climactic fight for gun)
(gun shot)
OK. He's gone. Weird how he types in Spanish. I'm not gonna look up what it says I'll leave that to you guys. Now I gotta figure out what to do with a dead...me. Maybe I could sell it to people who cant reach stuff, so they can use him like some kinda extendo-arm. So if anyone wants to buy him, feel free to give me a ring :)
Your drill is a drill that will pierce the heavens!
-Taylor
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I will have top billing!
Bad guys seem to be the cool thing now, I mean, just look at Scarface (Al Pacino), Bat-man (Heath Ledger), Spider-man (James Franko and Willem Dafoe), Hannibal (Anthony Hopkins), Star Wars (Who the hell played Darth Vader?), Zoolander (Will Ferrel), The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Heroes (Zachary Quinto aka. Sylar), and many more. For some reason it is becoming cooler to be a bad guy, a villain, a hated one.
If I were a bad guy I think I would be something like The Riddler from Bat-man, you know, Jim Carrey. Out for himself, insane, fun loving, all qualities I could posses, but with a scary outfit, scary ha ha not scary oh no.
After I rule the world, I will start to change things that aren't, necessarily, important. The Olympics will be changed to the bro'Lympics. In the bro'Lympics your only goal is to out-douche the other competitors. Their is no prize for winning, or even losing, everyone is tossed into the ceremonial volcano we light at the beginning of every bro'Lympics in the end. Oh, your country doesn't want to send a competitor, well I just nuked your capital. So their!
You know how when your dog goes through surgery they have to wear those stupid collars that stop them from getting to their wounds?
Apparently those are called Elizabethan Collars. I think that people should wear them too. Not just for the humor of it (but mostly for the humor), but so that people can't do many things after their surgery out of sheer embarrassment for the giant frisbee on their face.
I could also start to slowly shrink the entire population of the world. Not by killing people and making it drop, but by literally shrinking people to be about five feet. By doing this, I would stop most of the problems that people of my time are faced with. We could lower ceilings, and by doing so we could remove some of the space that people use, meaning more space for others to build new lives. Basketball would be ridiculously more fair if everyone was the same height, of course we would lower the rim, no, no we won't, it will be funnier to see them try to dunk, and miss by a good two feet.
I don't want sad people in my world either, so I'm thinkin' the amount of happiness you have, based on your release of serotonin for the day, would determine your pay. Did I mention that you don't get paid for working now? If you work, you get a check from my government with varying amounts of currency attached to it. Unfortunately, this method means the happy stay wealthy and the sad stay poor. So I figure, every week we return all the money back to my government and start all over.
After I've had my fun with my world, I think I will retire and start my new business. I will make a web site where I poorly photoshop celebrities. Like so...
I don't believe we are born to be killers, we walk through the rivers with the hands of our lovers
-Forever Taylor
If I were a bad guy I think I would be something like The Riddler from Bat-man, you know, Jim Carrey. Out for himself, insane, fun loving, all qualities I could posses, but with a scary outfit, scary ha ha not scary oh no.
After I rule the world, I will start to change things that aren't, necessarily, important. The Olympics will be changed to the bro'Lympics. In the bro'Lympics your only goal is to out-douche the other competitors. Their is no prize for winning, or even losing, everyone is tossed into the ceremonial volcano we light at the beginning of every bro'Lympics in the end. Oh, your country doesn't want to send a competitor, well I just nuked your capital. So their!
You know how when your dog goes through surgery they have to wear those stupid collars that stop them from getting to their wounds?
Apparently those are called Elizabethan Collars. I think that people should wear them too. Not just for the humor of it (but mostly for the humor), but so that people can't do many things after their surgery out of sheer embarrassment for the giant frisbee on their face.
I could also start to slowly shrink the entire population of the world. Not by killing people and making it drop, but by literally shrinking people to be about five feet. By doing this, I would stop most of the problems that people of my time are faced with. We could lower ceilings, and by doing so we could remove some of the space that people use, meaning more space for others to build new lives. Basketball would be ridiculously more fair if everyone was the same height, of course we would lower the rim, no, no we won't, it will be funnier to see them try to dunk, and miss by a good two feet.
I don't want sad people in my world either, so I'm thinkin' the amount of happiness you have, based on your release of serotonin for the day, would determine your pay. Did I mention that you don't get paid for working now? If you work, you get a check from my government with varying amounts of currency attached to it. Unfortunately, this method means the happy stay wealthy and the sad stay poor. So I figure, every week we return all the money back to my government and start all over.
After I've had my fun with my world, I think I will retire and start my new business. I will make a web site where I poorly photoshop celebrities. Like so...
I don't believe we are born to be killers, we walk through the rivers with the hands of our lovers-Forever Taylor
Thursday, July 2, 2009
music, gayness, and tattoo ideas
Here is a list of music I want
(some of you have contributed to the list, but please feel free to comment and tell me what you like along with what you don't like from my list)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher Ground
Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way
Alter Bridge - Metalingus
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Around the World
Bond - Explosion
Cobra Starship - The City is at War
Martin Solveig - C'est la vie
The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star
The Hoosiers - Goodbye Mr A
The BPA & David Byrne - Toe Jam
Radiohead - House of Cards
Santogold, Julian Casablancas, N.E.R.D produced by Pharrell - My Drive Thru
The Bird and The Bee - Again & Again
Justice - Stress
Justice - Genesis
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Kanye West - Flashing Lights
Chris Cornell - You Know My Name
The Blaqk Year - Prelude of Hearts
Unerwhelmed - Freak /Like Me
Escape The Fate - Situations
Escape The Fate - The Flood
Since October- Beautiful
Squeeze - Cool For Cats
The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
Our Lady Peace - Innocent
Trapt - Contagious
Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
Rob Thomas - Her Diamonds
Nickelback - If today was your last day
David Cook - Come Back To Me
Nightcore - Dam Dadi Doo
SafetySuit - Stay
SafetySuit - Someone Like You
Jet Black Stare - Ready To Roll
Anthrax - Madhouse
Parachute - She is Love
The Fray - Never Say Never
12 Stones - World so cold
Acceptance - In The Cold
Acceptance - Different
Powerman 5000 - Nobody's Real
Powerman 5000 - Bombshell
Powerman 5000 - When Worlds Collide
Bowling For Soup - Girl All The Bad Guys Want
The Feeling - Sewn
Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
The Ramus - In the shadow
Sum 41 - With Me
Sum 41 - The Hell Song
Sum 41 - Still Waiting
Sum 41 - Underclass Hero
Sum 41 - Motivation
Kid Cudi - Day N' Night (Crookers remix)
Queen - Flash
Theory of a Deadman - Hate my Life
Theory Of A Deadman - Not Meant To Be
The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You
Relient K - Must Have Done Something Right
Michael Jackson - Stranger In Moscow
MGMT - Weekend Wars
And the Gay List(list of people I would be gay for):
Ryan Reynolds - Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of this guy with his shirt on? Ridiculously hard. I don't like him for the muscles, but for the sheer perfectness that is his face. Plus, he is soooo cool, I would so be his best friend.
Bradley Cooper - Just look at this guy. I only wish I could have facial hair like that. I heard he is gonna be in the new A-team movie, as face man, the guy who is good at spying and camouflage and shit.
Anthony Kiedis - The lead singer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and all around bad ass. While reading his biography I learned that his childhood was really fucked up, he shouldn't be alive. He has a giant tattoo along his back for extra kick-assness when he needs it. Maybe the whole "should be dead" thing is the reason he is so cool.
Sam Elliot - The original "Guy with a cool voice". Besides being in countless movies, he has the whitest hair and darkest eyebrows ever. If he can be this cool being so old and so...eyebrows, than I can do anything.
Kevin Jonas - Being the ugliest of the Jonas brothers must be hard, knowing that everybody would rather dry hump your cuter brothers than touch you with a ten foot pole. For some reason, him being so unattractive just makes me want to get all up in that god awful fro.
Lastly, here is some tatto
o i
deas I have 
been lookin
g a
t
(some of you have contributed to the list, but please feel free to comment and tell me what you like along with what you don't like from my list)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher Ground
Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way
Alter Bridge - Metalingus
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Around the World
Bond - Explosion
Cobra Starship - The City is at War
Martin Solveig - C'est la vie
The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star
The Hoosiers - Goodbye Mr A
The BPA & David Byrne - Toe Jam
Radiohead - House of Cards
Santogold, Julian Casablancas, N.E.R.D produced by Pharrell - My Drive Thru
The Bird and The Bee - Again & Again
Justice - Stress
Justice - Genesis
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Kanye West - Flashing Lights
Chris Cornell - You Know My Name
The Blaqk Year - Prelude of Hearts
Unerwhelmed - Freak /Like Me
Escape The Fate - Situations
Escape The Fate - The Flood
Since October- Beautiful
Squeeze - Cool For Cats
The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
Our Lady Peace - Innocent
Trapt - Contagious
Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
Rob Thomas - Her Diamonds
Nickelback - If today was your last day
David Cook - Come Back To Me
Nightcore - Dam Dadi Doo
SafetySuit - Stay
SafetySuit - Someone Like You
Jet Black Stare - Ready To Roll
Anthrax - Madhouse
Parachute - She is Love
The Fray - Never Say Never
12 Stones - World so cold
Acceptance - In The Cold
Acceptance - Different
Powerman 5000 - Nobody's Real
Powerman 5000 - Bombshell
Powerman 5000 - When Worlds Collide
Bowling For Soup - Girl All The Bad Guys Want
The Feeling - Sewn
Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
The Ramus - In the shadow
Sum 41 - With Me
Sum 41 - The Hell Song
Sum 41 - Still Waiting
Sum 41 - Underclass Hero
Sum 41 - Motivation
Kid Cudi - Day N' Night (Crookers remix)
Queen - Flash
Theory of a Deadman - Hate my Life
Theory Of A Deadman - Not Meant To Be
The Last Goodnight - Pictures of You
Relient K - Must Have Done Something Right
Michael Jackson - Stranger In Moscow
MGMT - Weekend Wars
And the Gay List(list of people I would be gay for):
Ryan Reynolds - Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of this guy with his shirt on? Ridiculously hard. I don't like him for the muscles, but for the sheer perfectness that is his face. Plus, he is soooo cool, I would so be his best friend.
Bradley Cooper - Just look at this guy. I only wish I could have facial hair like that. I heard he is gonna be in the new A-team movie, as face man, the guy who is good at spying and camouflage and shit.
Anthony Kiedis - The lead singer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and all around bad ass. While reading his biography I learned that his childhood was really fucked up, he shouldn't be alive. He has a giant tattoo along his back for extra kick-assness when he needs it. Maybe the whole "should be dead" thing is the reason he is so cool.
Sam Elliot - The original "Guy with a cool voice". Besides being in countless movies, he has the whitest hair and darkest eyebrows ever. If he can be this cool being so old and so...eyebrows, than I can do anything.
Kevin Jonas - Being the ugliest of the Jonas brothers must be hard, knowing that everybody would rather dry hump your cuter brothers than touch you with a ten foot pole. For some reason, him being so unattractive just makes me want to get all up in that god awful fro.
Lastly, here is some tatto
o i
deas I have 
been lookin
g a
t
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